To Whom It May Concern,
Today is exactly two years to the day since I met the love of my life. It was in Munich, Germany. I met her at Jaegers Hostel. Now, two years later, I’m sitting in my apartment in Banff, she’s somewhere south of the border with another man, and we’ve not spoken in about six months.
Humanity needs faith, because logic and reason leaves so many gaps. So we choose the things we place our faith in. For many it is God, for some it’s a political ideal, for others it’s morality, for me it was love, and more specifically it was her. Before meeting her I’d been lost, I’d been living without purpose, but when I met her I found something. It wasn’t love at first sight, I don’t believe in that, but there was something, a connection deep down, my soul was drawn to hers, and from the moment I met her I was destined to love her.
I won’t go into detail, but it didn’t end well. I’m pretty certain she hates me now, and for a time I hated her. Love will inevitably always collapse in on itself, and when it does it leaves a void which can only be filled with an equally destructive emotion. Hate is the only thing that can compare to love.
I’d placed all of my faith in her and the way she made me feel, so when it unraveled my entire perception of reality crumbled. I’d hung everything on her, and she was gone.
So for a time I hated her for having been who she is, and I hated myself for having loved her like I did. But at some point I realised that it’s okay. It’s okay to love and it’s okay to hate, it’s even okay to allow those emotions to take complete control over you, but nothing lasts forever.
I still love her deep down, I think I always will, but I’ve freed myself from the absolute grasp of love, and I’ve freed myself from hate.
She was and will always be the first woman I ever loved. My sun will forever rise and set on her, she’ll be my first and last thought on every day I get on this earth, and she still inspires my every action and every interaction. I thought she was “the one”, and she was, but not the one that I’ll spend my life with physically, the one I’ll carry with me for as long as I’m alive.
But I no longer have faith in her, or in love, now I have faith in hope and in myself. Endings are the only thing that is ever certain, but this day is not the end, this day is the beginning.
Thomas J. Gosden